That’s because they are fielding ten texts and five long emails a day or when their partner comes to collect the children ends up hanging around the house.I know it’s tough because your fear is out of sight and out of mind (and if that’s the case how can you ‘work’ on your marriage).A crisis quickly turns into a catastrophe; certainly in my head if not in my relationship as well.
What makes trial separation’s so difficult is the uncertainty and to protect ourselves, we try and second guess our partner, think through how every move will be received (and end up over-thinking everything) and let our imagination run riot.
It also sucks all the joy out of the few face-to-face encounters that you do have because you’re interpreting every gesture for clues about the future. It’s when you imagine further ahead than the weekend that you start to panic.
” or “getting upset, angry and refusing to listen to the idea going to save your marriage” or a thousand-and-one other delay, distract and dismiss tactics.
I’m not a fan of trial separations, that’s for certain, but I’m not a fan of not listening to your partner either!
If your partner knows the rules for contact – and can have some input into deciding on them – he or she will find it much easier to cope.
For example, you will meet up once a week and reply to one text a day.
I blame myself for asking all those questions about the affair because I worry it has led to the separation.
I spend my time going over and over things in my head and one minute I think things are turning around but the next minute I’m questioning what my wife is doing with her time alone and whether or not we’re really ‘working on the marriage’.
However, you are at risk of making your partner think true space could only be achieved by ending the relationship.
Key idea for saving your marriage: If you’re the partner looking for space – but not getting it – try negotiating with your partner rather than just withdrawing (and unilaterally imposing it).
So your partner has said ‘I love you but’, has been having an affair or you’ve been arguing so much it’s been affecting the kids.