About the other half of the population, however, have an insecure attachment, which means they tend to have more fears of putting themselves out there, being intimate or being alone.
Then, by changing some patterns and learning certain skills, you can move towards secure attachment and be able to establish healthy connections.Most of us didn’t learn that in our families of origin but it is never too late. The main step is to stop blaming your exes or bad luck and realize that you might be part of the problem.This approach heals the attachment wounds and the damage sustained from neglect or poor parenting in early childhood.For developmental trauma to happen, not catastrophic events have to happen. No family can attend to all members needs, so think of it as a lack of vitamins.That is why experts in the field are trying to coin the term “ordinary trauma.” Read more on ordinary trauma.
The Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy- Shirley Jean Schmidt, MA, LPC, (an Ego State Therapy for Healing Adults with Childhood Trauma & Attachment Wounds), The DNMS is a comprehensive, strengths-based, client-centered, ego-state therapy for healing adults with trauma and attachment wounds.
Extreme independence or loneliness is only a maladaptive survival strategy.
That is why most of the time reading books and learning skills only work for a short period of time.
While research shows that relationships are the main source of happiness, they can also bring a lot of pain to people’s lives. Opening ourselves to people means becoming vulnerable and open to the possibility of rejection.
Furthermore, even though we think we are choosing consciously who we like and who we don’t, there are more complicated underlying factors determining your choices, behaviors, fears and expectations when it comes to dating: the attachment style. It is the way we connect, how we bond with other people and it is developed throughout our lives and influenced by our experiences and relationships.
If you are tired of the date scene or just ready to be in a committed long term relationship but didn’t get lucky yet, you might need some help.