Don’t weigh in with your opinions about property settlements, custody matters, and other details. Once you figure that out, you’ll know whether to stick around a little longer or cut your losses.Remember, if this had been done in the proper order, you wouldn’t have been around for any of those discussions, anyway. The best way to protect your new relationship from any fallout from his divorce is by staying out of it. Best, Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) Children’s, Co-Parenting, and Stepfamily Issues Considering Divorce Coping with Divorce Financial Issues Inspirational Stories and Advice Legal Issues Relationships and Dating Video Blogs in 1996, Divorce was one of the first magazine websites in the world. When I met my ex-husband, Rob, he had recently separated from his wife.
Even if that doesn’t happen, a divorce, no matter how civil, is nobody’s idea of a good time. So, yes, in a perfect world, people would conclude their previous relationships, paperwork and all, before entering into new ones.
Sure, they’ve been living separately; but the devil is in the details, and no one has sorted through those yet. But you’re not living in a perfect world; you’re living in Ben’s world.
And you should commit to staying out of his divorce drama.
Don’t expect him to report to you on how things are progressing.
Simply put, dating has a zero percent chance of making a divorce go smoother, and a bazillion percent chance of making it more contentious. I get that Ben has been separated for a couple of years, and that it was his wife’s decision to move out. Ben will be preoccupied with the twists and turns of his divorce at times – and that’s understandable.
And you might think that means his divorce will be smooth, simple, and unemotional. You will have opinions about how things are or are not getting resolved at times – and that’s also understandable.Other people (especially men) think it will result in a kinder, gentler divorce.But now that you two are involved, Ben needs to demonstrate respect for both you and your new relationship by taking the reigns on his divorce.Since it’s not likely that the two of you will take a hiatus while Ben gets his divorce done, let’s develop a practical plan to get you through this. He sat on the sidelines waiting to see what she would do next.Up until this point, Ben’s been content to let his ex wife call the shots regarding their separation. Some people (especially men) take this approach because they are holding out hope for reconciliation. We both have two kids in middle school: a girl and a boy. So, for all intents and purposes, it's like they're divorced, they just haven't done the paperwork. She says dating him is wrong because he’s still a married man. Dear In Love, I realize this happens all the time, but I think misrepresenting one’s marital status on a dating site raises legitimate questions about a person’s veracity. The bigger issue here is not that Ben said he was divorced on OKCupid, it’s that he is in fact still married.